The Most Interesting Dull Man in the World!

I  love my husband.  I mean I LOVE my husband!  But to be honest with you, I call him the most interesting dull person that I have ever met.  His problem is with clothes and here are some examples.  I personally, like a lot of other wives, buy clothes for my husband.  I try to dress him nicely, professionally, and attractively.  His only thoughts on dressing are that the clothes must be khaki and comfortable. His idea of an outfit is Khakis and an old shirt.  In the late 1980's, I bought him an outfit for golfing of pale gray pants. and a pale gray and white striped golf shirt.  It was very smart looking. He said it was "flashy."  If they aren't khakis, they're flashy!  Recently the kids and I were looking over pictures from their childhood and we found one of him swinging the kids on the swing set.  The picture was 20 years old and the girls both said, "Oh my gosh dad, you still wear that shirt!" The girls went into his closet, grabbed up a lot of old stuff, brought it to me and said to give these to Goodwill {if they will take them} before their father knew what was going on. I thanked them because I had wanted to do that forever but hadn't had the heart to get rid of his favorite old clothes! I secretly wonder sometimes since I like clothes so much if people don't think that the reason he wears old stuff is that I spend all the money on my clothes.  When we go out we usually look like a dolled up drag queen on a date with an almost homeless person! You can guess who is who.  It's not that I don't buy him clothes!  I buy him things often, but they set in his closet if they aren't {you know what's coming--khakis--and his favorite "old" shirts.}  Once out of desperation once, I told him I absolutely HAD to have some variety in my life and we MUST have a little color and style in his wardrobe! Because I had said "variety in my life" he began to tease me about wanting another man, so he agreed to go shopping. I suggested conservatively {knowing his aversion to color} that we really go off the deep end and get him some navy blue Dockers!  You would have thought I was suggesting he live the remainder of his life in an underground 4x6 dirt hole!  Once when we were dating, we went to his house around 4:00 in the afternoon.  His mother was at the stove with pots on three burners cooking away.  He said, "Mom, I think I would like some golf shirts."  I kid you not, that woman turned off the burners on the stove, grabbed her purse, and said "Let's go!" She bought him 11 golf shirts that day. I marvelled at this!  I could only imagine walking into my mother's kitchen while she was preparing supper {or any other time for that matter}and casually mentioning that I would like some new shirts.  My mother wouldn't talk like this, but what comes to mind is our friend down the street when we were growing up.  Whenever she wanted something and she asked her mother for it, the reply was "people in Hell want ice water!"  It was absolutely beyond my comprehension a woman stopping what she was doing in the middle of supper and saying "Let's go!"  Recently, we had the two grand kids that live locally over to spend the night with Mimi and grandpa on a Friday night.  We took them out for supper, and Ben casually mentioned he needed a new sports coat for a presentation he had to  make in Denver, CO that week.  All plans for the grandchildren were put on hold and we drove straight to the department store!  Corben was saying, "Hey, why aren't we going to the park?"  Mimi said, "because your grandpa is in the mood to buy clothes and it happens about once every 5 years!"  I knew that I had to make the most of our every half decade trip, so while granddaughter Madilyn pulled 35 ties off the rack, I was pushing her around picking up one thing after another and asking Ben, "Do you like this?"  If he said yes, it was in the cart!  When we left the store we had his sports coat, shirts, a tie, 2 new pairs of shoes, and guess what--Hallelujah--navy Dockers! We're really living on the wild side now! I was so excited that you would have thought I had won a trip around the world! Noone could have known that navy Dockers would make my heart race so fast!  I was positively giddy.  As we carried our packages across the parking lot, I burst out laughing!  Ben, Corben, and Madi looked at me as if I had lost my mind!  {This happens with great frequency.}  Ben said, "What are you laughing about?"  I told him that I just had a thought of my dear, sweet mother-in-law in Heaven looking down with laughter and a high-five that I had managed to get her son into a department store and not only bought him what he wanted, but wound up getting him to buy even more!  She would have loved it!  Ben laughed too and said I had a point there.  I no longer marvel at a woman turning off the burners on the stove and leaving right then and there before he has had a chance to change his mind!