Counterfeit Bills!

Monday evening we had a good old fashioned shrimp boil at our house for our future daughter-in-law Erin's birthday supper.  Shrimp, little red potatoes, onions, carrots and corn-on-the-cob.  That afternoon I ran by the bank to get some cash to put in her birthday card, but as usual I forgot to get the card!  I decided that I would fold the bill up into a fan shape and tie it to her fork at her place setting.  So I ask the teller for a single bill instead of it always being broken down into change.  We had a great supper with the whole family and everything went off without a hitch.  This in itself is a real accomplishment as I can manage to screw up even the simplest of tasks! Tuesday, all of us girls went over to Leesburg, VA to the outlet malls to shop til we dropped!  While all of the rest of us were in one store, Erin  goes into another store and tries to by some perfume.  She is told point blank after her bill is marked that it is counterfeit! She tells them it can't be counterfeit because her future mother-in-law gave her the money for her birthday!  The saleslady asks her if she is sure if she wants to marry into our family and has she seen the movie monster-in-law!  She returns and tells me what has happened.  OK, I like to play jokes on my family, so I assume that she is playing one on me.  She keeps telling me she is serious.  I keep saying she is kidding me.  I only believe her when she shows me the dear old president himself with his person all marked up {apparently the saleswoman didn't trust the marker to tell the truth with just one swipe and thought that she had to scribble it up like a four year old.}  We call my bank, tell them what happened, and they tell me to bring it into the bank when we get back into town.  My imagination begins running away with me on the way home.  I am afraid that the bank will not believe that this is the bill that they gave me. After all aren't tellers trained to be able to spot counterfeits.  My son who manages a department store told me that fake money even feels different, so they can spot them instantly when they are passed off as real.  They even have special training sessions on spotting counterfeits. I can just see me going back to my bank and them telling me that I didn't get THAT bill from them.  I imagine my little old parents in Arkansas going into their local post office and seeing their eldest daughter's mug shot hanging on the wall!  Then I absolutely loose it.  You know how I know that I have lost it?  Because, am I worried that I won't be able to get another bill?  No.  Am I worried that they will not believe I got it from them?  No.  All I can think about is that I have gained 10 lbs recently, need a haircut and have a bump on my chin and that is how I will look in my coast to coast mug shot of the blogging grandma from Virginia!  I also know that the horizontal striped outfit that I will be supplied by the federal government will only make me look wider and that black and white are not my colors!  I guess I could ask them if they have their felon suits in a pretty peach.  I asked by gynecologist that once.  When I was given a very unbecoming paper gown to wear, I asked if they didn't have it in a more flattering color.  I guess that you will say anything to make conversation when your feet are in stirrups!  Anyway, I returned the bill to the bank and was told  that it WAS NOT counterfeit.  That if it was fake it would have turned black instead of yellow and that the saleslady must have had the IQ of a cucumber.  I've heard that 10 % of the public are idiots.  I guess when you shop at a large mall you are bound to come in contact with one of them!