A visit to the Nut House!

Well it wasn't exactly a "nut house."  It WAS a big brick building full of NUTS!  I was one of said nuts.  Let me explain.  Several years ago I started having anxiety attacks out of the blue.  I went to a doctor that wasn't my regular physician and to make a long story short through a mistake on my chart I was put on a medicine for bipolar disorder.  I'm not bi-polar so this fact coupled with the fact that I had a very bad reaction to the medicine caused a severe problem.  My regular doctor said that I needed to go into the hospital for a few days as I came down off this medication.  Sounds like I was on LSD or something!  Anyway I envision myself laying in a hospital room, watching TV, reading magazines etc. while a friendly nurse occasionally stuck her head in the door and asked if I would "like some sweet tea hon."  I later found out that this is not how it is done anymore.  Because of cuts to the health care system and new regulations with insurance, everyone needing to be monitored from "bad med reactions" are all put in the same place--the nut house.  To make it short I was in there with everyone from crack addicts to those like me to bona fide no other word for it "nuts."  Now that it is over I can laugh at it--my family thought that it was freakin hilarious at the time!  Let me tell you about a typical day.  They search your bags to make sure there are no shoe laces or blow dryers {anything with cords} in case someone wants to kill themselves.  By the way I didn't when I went in there but after a couple of hours with those nuts........They came in every 15 minutes all night long and opened your door to see if you were in bed asleep.  I was in bed asleep until I was woken up every 15 minutes all night long being checked on to see if I was asleep!  Now for the cast of characters. This is the honest to goodness truth! There was the guy that thought he was a vampire.  I didn't have to deal with him much because he only came out at night.  There was the "head smeller."  This fine upstanding citizen had the social skills of Hannibal Lecter.  He went around smelling all of the women's heads then announcing, "that's a Prell head if I ever smelt one."  He was usually right!  He finally found a woman that he shouted as he sniffed her hair, "hey you use that shampoo that has the little kangaroo on it!  That's the kind my ex use to use."  I can't imagine why he has an EX!  Every once in awhile one of the nurses would yell out, "Robert, QUIT SMELLING HEADS!"  There was the woman that was faking suicidal thoughts "to teach her husband a lesson!"  Some of us normal women would sit at the round table and color pictures of Porky Pig with the words I WILL TAKE MY MEDS at the bottom of the page.  This beautiful southern woman told us that she had just retired after 25 years at her job and her husband keeps telling her that to continue to enjoy the style of living that she is accustomed to she needs to get out and get another job.  She said every time he brings it up she fakes a "I'm gonna commit suicide episode!"  She was there talking and cutting up with us and the next minute a nurse came over and asked her how she was and instantly she became "suicidal."  When the nurse left she would just laugh and say she'd teach her husband a lesson yet! Every time she got like this her doctor would put her in the hospital and it was costing her husband a fortune!  She figured he would eventually get the message that it was cheaper for her to stay retired. The worst part of this experience was that your family could only visit you for 30 minutes at night and only one at a time.  I found I actually BECOME crazy when I'm told I can't see my family when I want to see them.  Different family members would come into the main room and sit at the table with me as I pointed out my latest colored Porky Pig picture that had been hung on the wall with all the others like it was 1st grade art!  My family was getting a huge kick out of this! Thank goodness I only had to be there a day and a half! One thing I learned through this experience besides how genuinely sad mental illness can be is that there is always a bright side to everything.  I was wearing these adorable little red with white polka dot flats when I was there.  Everyone from the vampire {he probably just like the red} to the mumblers to the ones like me being observed because of a bad reaction to medication appreciates a cute pair of shoes!  Even those women that were really suicidal would come up to me and say, "those are just the cutest shoes I ever saw in my life.  My advise to you if you know someone that is going through a severe depression or having trouble emotionally is first and foremost to say a prayer for them-several prayers.  Just get down on your knees and stay there!  Then go out and buy them a really cute pair of shoes!